I'm not going to lie I'm not like most bloggers in that besides my blog I keep the rest of my social media private. There are many reasons for this, for the majority of my blogging my blog has also been private. I know now that I put a lot of our life here and it is open for people to read, but that's not always easy for me. I want to use my blog to connect with other bloggers, I love the relationships I see develop through bloggers and their connections, more than anything I love that our family and friends can follow and see what were up to, and hopefully enjoy all the other posts as well.
So although I have told you things about me before, it was mostly just little details to help you get to know me if you were new around here, but I thought today I might get real with you all and put the good the bad and the just plain friggin' weird out there !
As I've gotten older I have become a terrible when it comes to the thought of germs of any sort. I have hand sanitizer in my purse, I bought Jason one for the truck (basically for me to use) to make it look like I cared about his cleanliness and make myself look less crazy. I cant let dishes sit in the sink, as we don't have a dishwasher right now I literally do dishes 8 times a day because the idea of dishes sitting in the sink festering (because they are obviously that dirty) kills me! It bothers me at the gym we are at now that instead of having paper towel to wipe down the equipment they use a cloth.. umm.. GROSS! Seriously? All these sweaty people using the same cloth to wipe down gross sweaty equipment? DISGUSTING! I spray my own kitchen and bathroom down with antibacterial cleaner 2-3 times a day even if I haven't used it because where else is there more germs? Communal laundry... hurts my heart.
Not only do I hate germs but I HATE clutter! I'm not against decorations or having things.. I have a hell of a lot of clothes and my closet is cluttered beyond belief (I'm OK with this clutter I'm not going to lie). But in the shower, when my body wash is getting low I cant wait to just finish it and get rid of it because I think its taking up unnecessary space, which is crazy I know because I'm obviously going to replace it. We have an extensive spice cabinet and when they are getting low and I finish them I feel quite pleased with myself that I have cleared up some clutter. Crazy I know. I am a compulsive organizer, maybe because I feel it things have a place and are more organized they look less cluttered. Trinkets, knick knacks, whatever you want to call them.. are the devil.
Have you ever seen this on Pinterest?
This speaks true of my life. I have a ton of clothes that range in what they are good for (although that sounds funny) but I absolutely consider my day and what will be taking place before I can begin to think of an outfit. I don't want to dress up if I'm going to sit at home all day. I know that sounds crazy because I truly think getting up every day and getting dressed, for me putting on makeup makes me feel good, a lot better than I would if I laid around in my pajamas all day.
This one applies too..
Jason gets super frustrated with me because I am forever saying that I have nothing to wear.. and although I have a ton of clothes that is really how I feel. I often change 50 times before we go out somewhere (part of this is my own body image issues) but nothing feels right, when I look in my closet I feel like there is nothing there for the occasion, I cant help it! So this leads me to believe I need to purchase a batman costume, a tutu and a pair of red sparkly shoes (because I think its a crime against humanity that I don't already have a pair.. I mean come on.)
I hate most reality shows, I feel like they are totally corrupting TV!! These shows on TV now a days... ridiculousness....evil maids or whatever....mama drama.. seriously? However I will defend the reality shows I like fiercely. I love Teen Mom.. judge me if you will but its like a book, I started from the beginning with their story I absolutely cannot stop reading, I need to know whats going to happen next. Period. I watch the Real Housewives of Orange County and New Jersey... I cant say I am so into their stories but I absolutely love the drama, it makes me feel like my normal is so freakin' normal.
I am a compulsive worrier! I am always worrying about something regardless of how big or small I can very easily make myself sick about it... to the extreme as well. I wont sleep, eat, I will cry if someone looks at me because I have gotten myself in such a dither. I'm not exactly sure why I do this, I can remember as a child doing this as well and if something was bothering me I would stress and eventually crumple into tears and then have to talk about it. Right now for the first time in a long time I feel like I have nothing to worry about, so its almost as though I'm looking for something because I feel like a part of me is missing. Crazy right?
Haha lets be honest at the end of this I'm going to be getting messages recommending therapist!
As I grow older (because clearly I'm ancient at this point) I have really distanced myself from drama. I know men think that all women are all about drama, creating it, being apart of it but that's just not me. If someone brings more drama to my life then comfort and joy in the last few years those are the people I choose to no longer associate myself with.. lets be honest I bring enough drama to myself if you haven't already determined that by reading above.
I am a creature of habit in the worst way! In the morning I get up and lay in bed checking all my social media on my phone before getting up and making coffee. I'm not a morning person and therefore this is my quiet time. If I have to go to work or be somewhere in the morning I need to set my alarm for at least 2 hours before I have to leave the house because I have to carry out my morning routine, regardless. I get this from my Dad and no word of a lie my brother is the exact same way! I do my makeup the same way everyday, I'm getting better about this but none the less I put everything on in the same order. I fold laundry a certain way and if by rare chance Jason does laundry and folds the shirts different (like he always does) I have to go back and refold them because it will bother me because its "not right" (Stop, I'm not being a bitch, I am very grateful he does laundry).
Here are a few more simple things about me:
- I need reassurance, more than I care to admit.
- I'm a cheerleader for happiness when it comes to others situations but with my own I find every negative possibility to mentally prepare myself.
- I am a very lucky girl and everyday in at least one way I make sure to show it.
- I absolutely LOVE being a wife to Jason and our life and the future ahead of us.
- I miss my family something FIERCE.
- I have found a whole new love for my family in the way they love my husband, not just my parents and my brother but my extended family... they way they have embraced him, and love him as much as I do... it makes my heart smile and I am grateful for that everyday.
- Growing up does make you wise.
- I don't believe in regret because I believe every decision you make brings you to exactly where you are with all the lessons you have learned. Be appreciative.
- My favorite color is orange. No I don't love Halloween.
- I miss my Papa more than I could ever put into words and just typing that brought tears to my eyes. I think about him everyday and wonder when the day will come when I can think about him and not cry.
- I secretly want a dog. Secretly because Jason would never allow it for very logical reasons I refuse to acknowledge.
- I mock things.. I can't help it. Its almost like a compulsion.
- I laugh when people fall. Somewhere deep down I worry and feel bad, but I laugh, hard.
- I appreciate the little things.
So there it is.. haha the good the bad and the ugly. Kind of makes me feel a little vulnerable to put it out there like that.
Jason should be home soon, so I'm off to make dinner. I'm not sure yet if he is working or not, its suppose to thunderstorm all day but none the less I would love for him to be home! If he is home tomorrow I will absolutely not be around as that is a rare occurrence and I always like to make the most of it!
I hope you are all enjoying your weekend, mine has been full of laundry, stationary, cooking, a good book and tea!