Well good evening all!
I know I am stopping around here a little late today but that really brings me right to the whole point of this blog (apparently there is no small talk tonight...) truthfully I'm not a morning person and generally don't even get around to these parts until the afternoon anyways. Since changing my blog and really putting it out there I have been really focused on trying to put more legitimate content rather than my own rants and what is going on in our life daily, but I think I have been putting a little too much pressure on myself! I need to blog by a certain time, I make notes all the time about things I need to blog about and its not that I think that's necessarily a bad thing but its taking away from the quality of the content I think.
Sometimes I find myself laying in bed a night (I'm pretty much a night owl majority of the time) and that's when I am most inspired to write, its when I feel I like I have the most to say and things come to me so easily. I am always making notes on my phone because otherwise I will forget my thoughts the next day when I sit down to write. I think I'm just putting so much pressure on myself rather than enjoying it like I use to and I'm really not sure why. I don't know when I started caring so much about followers, I suppose deep down I think its like anything else if other people are enjoying it you know its substantial. I feel like that's a normal way of thinking but like anything else when you stop trying things will happen, if I'm just myself people will enjoy it and read.
So let me tell you this, truthfully since I have changed my blog I think you have only seen a small portion of who I really am because I am trying to maintain a certain atmosphere around here. It is never my intention to offend anyone EVER, so I have been keeping the cussing to a minimum but truth be told that's not really me. It is something I am working on as I am very much aware its not very lady like to drop F bombs all over the place... it's hard but if I can do it around here I can absolutely do it in real life... however I haven't actually tried it in real life.
Anyways I think I am going to relax a little more, I am not writing for sponsors or anything so why so much pressure? I have noticed that I have a bunch of new followers though and I am so grateful for that! I want to make sure that there is quality content to keep ya'll coming back!!
Now that we have gotten that out of the way I have been doing a lot of thinking today about being positive and how to work on that. I am a big believer in the power of positive thinking and that's not to say that you cant have bad days and you cant get down about things, that is also human nature but you really get what you put into things. If you get up in the morning thinking the day is going to be bad, odds are your day is going to be bad because you're already in a frame of mind seeing the negative.
As you all know we have been having a hard time with our home builders, as much as that is the case and its not fun dealing with constant problems I get excited when I see pictures of things coming along and keep telling myself that once all of this is said and done when we actually get into this house and start making it our own none of the crap we are dealing with right now is going to matter... however Jason is not feeling the same way.
At this point I don't really know how to change his mind about things, I am well aware that he is extremely irritated with the whole process and I completely understand that. We have both been dealing with the negative but we seem to be maintaining completely different attitudes. I don't know if this is your typical first time home buyer jitters, if its because at this point he is just so fed up with everything he can't bring himself to be positive because he is waiting for the next thing to go wrong.. I just don't know.
Jason's job requires him to find deficiencies...in a power plant, so naturally in building our own home that is EXACTLY what he is doing, to the extreme. I have tried to encourage him to look at it like he would a project he is on for work, when taking on a huge project things are bound to go wrong, there will be inevitable hiccups and whether it is because someone is incompetent, or its completely out of everyone's hands that does not mean that those issues cannot be rectified and it will not at all take away from the final product. I understand that Jason is seeing all the things that are going wrong but that is no different from his job, its just generally he is on the side responsible for the things going wrong and none the less they are trying to sell it to the client.. so I'm really confused why he just cant see the ridiculousness as exactly that and look forward to it being all over.
I want Jason to look at this as a learning experience and move on, think about the bigger picture but he can't seem to do that. Today we received new pictures of the house and things are REALLY coming along. I was so excited to see the updated pictures, I think things look GREAT and Jason was all "hate it!" - so frustrating. I get his frustration but he is killing my happiness about this major milestone in our life.
This house probably means more to me than a first house means to most people, not to take away from how special buying a first home is for any young couple. Jason and I travel so much and I never really look forward to our time off as we don't really get to relax we just travel and visit and stay in other peoples home and truth be told I hate it. I want to have our own space, I want to have our stuff there, we travel so much that when we want to buy stuff that we may never see again we always think that we will have no where to put it. We have so much stuff sitting at Jason's parents and my parents and we never see it.. its depressing really. I've told you before I'm a wicked creature of habit and when we are in between jobs I miss my stuff, my coffee mug, my quiet time, etc. I want a place that is ours, that when a job is over and we have time before the next we can go home. I want to buy Christmas decoration for OUR HOME not some crappy apartment and know we are going to throw it all out when we move anyways, its ridiculous!
I'm just getting to the point surrounded by all the negativity where I'm starting to get caught up in the mess and losing my positive outlook, my excitement for this amazing opportunity we have in front of us. Through all of this, good and bad I have never taken the progress for granted, we are so extremely fortune to have this amazing opportunity in front of us, at our age to be able to design and build our home. When we move into our home I want it to represent us and the hard work it took to get where we are now.
I really feel for the first time in a long time things are really coming together for us, everything is just miraculously falling into place and we have nothing to worry about which I'm sure for everyone is rare. Its an amazing feeling to feel that nothing is weighing on you, hanging over your head.. there is nothing to worry about. I don't want to lose sight of how fortunate we are, how many blessings we have that we shouldn't take for granted, but I need Jason on board.
I didn't get here earlier because instead on maintaining my cheerleader for happiness stance on everything I let the negative energy around me get me down, and I regret that. No one can take away what this means to me, not unless I let them. I suppose I just have to accept the fact that Jason doesn't feel the same way I do at this point and hopefully that will change in time. I truly believe that when we get into the house and he starts to see the endless possibilities he will change his mind.. hopefully.
In the meantime, not letting myself get down about the situation I am going to share the new pictures we got today with you all!