Shape up or Ship out!

Well the ship out part just isn't an option so shape up is where we are at!

Its not secret that my transitioning skills have been less then stellar with our recent move and the last two days have not helped that at all. I have had the worst heart burn I have ever had in my life for the last three days.. today it really isn't as bad at all but I still don't feel like its completely gone. I swear that stuff is the DEVIL! I tried everything to get rid of it and last night I finally tripled the dose of Pepcid AC and said screw it and went to bed. You see that has been the other great thing about the last few days.. ZERO SLEEP!

I know what you're thinking.. Nicole stop stressing and sleep.. because generally that would be the cause of my lack of sleep but this time I can't say that.. the reason I am not sleeping is Jason!!! I don't know what his deal is, allergies, he's getting sick.. I really don't know but the last few nights he has been up and down all night and its keeping me up! Both of us have been walking around like zombies the last few days and it just has not done a damn thing for my mood.

I know I need to give myself a shake, I tell myself every single day that this is what it is, we are here and not leaving so I need to suck it up and make the best of it because if not it is going to be one miserable year.. but I have a countdown on my phone reminding me the exact number of days until I can go home again. I can't even write that without welling up with tears. Usually when something bothers me I need to talk about it but I have kept to myself and cry alone on this one because everyone says the same thing "you'll be fine" (what if I wont?) "You just need to get settled" (what if I don't want to) "You'll get to go home for a visit soon" (Not soon enough and not for long enough. Besides what if I get there and cant bring myself to come back). I know people are trying to help and yes I knew this was coming but oh I never could have expected it would be this hard. I've been avoiding everyone for the most part because I constantly feel on that fine line of sobbing. Pathetic I know.

When Jason is home on weekends and we do stuff I enjoy it, I know that there are some good things about being here but let me tell you when it comes to making a list of the good things it seems so short compared to all the fantastic things I can think to write about being home. But that's irrelevant because sadly being here is paying for that house.

This morning I woke up and instead of laying around crying like I've been doing I told myself to get up and get my ass in gear.. I need to shape up and somehow make this work and I know that. I went to the gym and worked my ass off because that's the only time I can turn the music up and drown out my own thoughts. Besides the fact that I actually need to work out it makes me feel a lot better. I am going to look for yoga somewhere around the apartment and a job.

The job thing stresses me out as well, I don't have a ton of options without having a vehicle. Its the beginning of summer so all the college kids are looking for work as well. Jason and I talk all the time about going home for the 4th of July and maybe leaving Thursday afternoon which is fantastic but he can work his schedule right now for the most part.. where will I work to have the same luxury? I refuse to take a job here that I hate like I did in Alaska! I liked what I was doing it but I hated the environment and truly believe my time there would have been a million times better if I didn't have to go there everyday! Not to mention I have to be honest with people, most people don't want to hire someone knowing they plan to leave and I will be without a doubt! I have to be honest with people, although I think a year is a long time and it gives me better odds then the 6 months in a place we have done before I still think it doesn't give me the upper hand.

It will come together, it has to. I know that changing my frame of mind is a really good place to start as I do believe in the power of positive thinking, but its getting yourself in a place to think positively. I'm working on it, I think we are going to head into Manhattan this weekend and I am going to hit up a bookstore because reading is really good for my mind set, I am working out which is great and oh how I love this place (the blog).

I really don't love New Jersey and I knew I would feel like that, I have been here before. Jason keeps saying "you love the city" and ya I did.. as I am often reminded.. I am getting old and I honestly feel like my priorities are just different. I'm not in the same place I was when we lived in New York and I had the time of my life! Besides can we just state for the record that New Jersey is NOT New York and that makes a huge difference. I mean I don't think if we lived in New York again I would feel that much different to be honest. I want to be in our home, in Raleigh, have babies and just be. Haha... that damn biological clock and all those pregnant Mama's to be all over Instagram and the blog world! Really I'm not 100% there yet but none the less city living doesn't have the same appeal it use to, hopefully 3 months from now I will be singing a different tune, coffee in hand and a tight ass from all the walking I've done! Lets see.

Well I should go, stick with me while I get through this rough patch and I'll give you some good things to do in the city if you ever visit! Or if you're from here, have been here and have something to share you think I would enjoy I would greatly appreciate that.

I am off to make Jason a eye appointment, he's decided he needs contacts which I am pretty sure he will absolutely hate but we will see how it goes!

I hope you all had a great day, if you are thinking about visiting New York anytime soon I highly recommend you hop on over to The Small Things Blog and see what Kate Bryan was up to while she was there last weekend, I have just added this to my New York to do list let me tell ya!

Memorial Day Weekend in the City!

Good Tuesday afternoon lovelies!

Well its a short week this week which is always a good thing! I hope all of you had the great weather that we had this weekend, sadly it did not continue on until today for us! Its been a gorgeous morning but it is definitely going to rain!

I started my new gym routine this morning because I am fat. Yesterday we laid by the pool in the afternoon but there was absolutely no way I was getting in a bathing suit which really got me thinking. I can't spend the whole summer feeling bad about myself and sitting pool side sweating my ass off because I don't want to wear a bathing suit in front of people. So I am drinking my weight in water and plan to work my ass off LITERALLY at the gym twice a day and I know I will see results. I have changed my diet and I just know in a few days I will feel so much better. It will take time to get the weight off but I know it will come!

So with Jason actually having the long weekend off we decided to make the most of it. Saturday we had to get the truck fixed, somehow Jason just happened to pick the place that had some exhaust expert.. with the only equipment in Jersey able to fix the problem.. which apparently was rust? The truck isn't even that old, but I suppose we have put it through the ringer with all our travel and harsh winters with all the salt on the road. All in all its fixed which is great news, got an oil change and that's not something we will have to worry about for awhile. Funny story though, Jason made an early appointment and left while I was still in bed! Well he put the truck in and they put it up on the lift and he remembered his apartment keys were in there.. so he took the subway home and then tried to call my cell which was on silent because I was sleeping! Long story short it took me awhile to get his calls and text so he took himself to breakfast! Haha!

I got up and had a shower and then we headed back to get the truck. It was my first time on the subway since New York and it brought back some fun memories.. but having had the luxury of getting in the truck and going anywhere I need to go for the last however long made the waiting for the next train a little hard!

We got off the subway at Journal Square to pick up the truck which is not somewhere I had been and although they had a few neat buildings and a statue of Jackie Robinson it was kind of a dump!

I'm not really sure why this statue is here. 

Anyways after that we headed to IKEA by Jason's work and the place was PACKED.. we actually went through there pretty quickly because I just couldn't stand being stepped on anymore. I swear I hate ignorance. We did some touring around the area and literally right down the street was an outlet mall.. YAY! Well it was raining sadly and we drove around for almost an hour and found ZERO parking.. there were men parked in front of other cars not even in a parking spot waiting for their wives and hoping whoever they were blocking didn't come out! I didn't have the heart to make Jason wait so we will try that place another day. We came home and ordered Chinese! Let me just say when you move somewhere new it is important to find good Chinese and pizza take out.. we have found fabulous Chinese but we are still working on the pizza!

Sunday we decided to head to Liberty State Park and the Science center! I was super surprised that Jason wanted to go there but he said that he had been as a kid and done some research, fabulous! We got up in the morning, got ready and headed to the park! 

The park is nice, we took the Jersey light rail down there and walked around for a long time! The park is endless and the view is amazing! You can also get on the ferry there! I took a ton of pictures naturally.. have a peak!

Old Train Station

Piece of the rubble from 9/11

9/11 Memorial

I don't look thrilled, but I really wasn't having a bad time! haha

There were a ton of sailboats out!

The boardwalk was gorgeous!

Lady Liberty at her finest!

View from the Science Center

After we walked around we headed over to the Science Center for the rest of the afternoon! I will say it was definitely just for kids! I don't know what Jason remembered but when we started walking through he was really mad that we spent all that money haha! It would be a great place for children, there was a ton to see and explore.. but I will say it is not cheap to take a family there. For Jason and I it was over $50.00!!! How can people afford to take a family of 5 or something? Nuts!

I did however take pictures.. which I'm sure shocks you. But because I have them I will share!

I took this specifically for Jason's Dad.. he is terrified of snakes and I'm nice like that.

These things were so active!

Biggest toad I have ever seen in my life!

Poisonous dart frog. They had a ton of them and they were all gorgeous colors!

This thing was fantastic! He is probably a million years old. While we were standing there he got an itch on his neck and went nuts! haha!

The view from the science center. 

Yesterday was gorgeous! We walked over to Hoboken which is only about a 30 minute walk from here and all along the water. I didn't think it was anything special but the walk was really nice. It was super hot and sunny yesterday which made it all worth it. We walked over and explored a bit, had lunch at the Wicked Wolf Tavern which was fantastic. We definitely said that we will be back there... a lot! 

After lunch we headed back to the apartment and laid out by the pool for a couple hours which was great!

Not a bad view right?

We did a lot of walking this weekend and got to see a lot! We found a few places I think we will enjoy throughout the summer! The view here is amazing and although I desperately miss home I suppose once I get settled in and find my way around more I will be fine. 

I will leave you with some sunset pictures. Bare with me while I get back into the swing of things and my surroundings get a little old, in the meantime I will probably share a lot of pictures!

Hope you guys had a great weekend!!

We found this place along the board walk not far from our apartment that has Adirondack chairs set up in a big sandy area over looking the water.. perfection! 

We sat here for such a long time.. it was fantastic!

Empire State Building lit up red white and blue for Memorial Day.

As was the Freedom tower if you can tell.. sorry.. grainy Iphone pictures!

Happy Memorial Day!

Good morning all,

I will be back tomorrow with details of our weekend travels but I wanted to stop in and wish everyone a Happy Memorial Day! Although today is about an extra day off work, grilling poolside and those unusual daytime Monday beers I hope you all take a moment to recognize today is also about being thankful! Thankful for all the men and women who sacrifice so we have those luxuries! 

Thank you to all of you who serve our country proudly without realizing all you do and expecting nothing. Your selflessness, determination and time is so greatly appreciated!

Enjoy the day y'all!!

I'm Cranky.. So I Shall Rant...

Its no secret around here that I am not thrilled with our recent move but let me tell you how things have been going lately hasn't been making me feel all that much better. I know that when I tell you what those things are you will probably think I am being petty and let me be clear.. I am well aware of that. Having said that I have barely slept at all since we got here and that is definitely making things seem a little worse then they actually are. Not to mention the fact that I am somewhat of an emotional cutter (not literally) and I am making things hard on myself as well.

I've been checking the weather at home.. a lot.. I mean multiple times a day! What is worse is that its a hell of a lot better then it is here! Its been in the high 80s at home and gorgeous and here its low 60s and rain.. BULLSHIT! This is why I don't want to live in the North, because its clearly unaware of when winter weather should go away and summer weather should begin. Last night it poured rain while we carried groceries in, oh apartment living how I love you. I suppose we only have to wait for the elevator to go to the third floor and not the 20th, I'm counting my blessings for that right about now.

Not only am I checking the weather at home I am checking in on the house too.. a lot. We set up cameras in the house which would allow us to see in the house while we weren't there.. so I can click on my app for the camera at anytime and check out my beautiful, big, EMPTY house. I can't help myself.

I mentioned how expensive things are here as well too? After getting literally 3 bags worth of groceries the other night even Jason said that for the amount we paid we could have shopped for a week at home. Restaurants are more expensive, groceries are crazy expensive.. Target is like Canadian Target.. over priced! Speaking of Target this one isn't set up like my Target either, I don't like that.

Speaking of expensive you don't even want to know how much we are paying for rent, its absolutely absurd! Having said that what choice do we have, we wanted something where I could walk to things because Jason will have the truck all the time and Jason didn't want to have a 6 hour commute each day. We've lived in a lot of apartments and one thing is generally the same.. they expect a hell of a lot more in regards to cleanliness and what not when you move out then they give you when you move in. I made a list of the stuff I wasn't happy with and was assured they would be here tomorrow around 1:00pm to take care of it. They arrived yesterday at 4:00pm went through the items and said they would be back here today after lunch.. its 2:00pm and no one is here. Fine whatever.. but I can't really go anywhere when I am expecting someone to be here to take care of things, yes I know its raining but a Starbucks would be nice.. I do own an umbrella.

We still don't have a couch, although its finally being delivered tonight.. not sure exactly where it is going to go because there is still shit laying everywhere. We haven't actually used a lot of our travel furniture in a long time because of the locations we have been, it makes it really hard to take everything all the time. Somehow everything got beat to shit in Jason's parents barn, its driving me absolutely batty! When Jason started putting things together the other night we realized we hadn't used our dining room table since New York and there we only used 3 chairs there because of the space we had. Well apparently in all the moves since we no longer have any of the pieces to put together chair number 4 and let me tell you we have no where to put the pieces of the chair because we have ZERO storage. Jason just put that aside and moved on to another IKEA accent chair.. guess what.. no screws and whatever to put that thing together either!!! So the pieces to that are sitting all over too. I HATE CLUTTER!

Last night we went to do an actual grocery shopping and decided to just get everything at Target, why not right? It was POURING rain, but I am grateful that we can actually drive right down the street and there was no traffic. When we came out of Target again in the pouring rain we noticed one of the exhaust pipes is falling off the truck.. no I'm not kidding. So in said pouring rain Jason crawled around on the ground trying to see what the hell is wrong with it. He told me but I don't remember.. something about rust which kills me because not only is the truck not that old but neither is the freakin' exhaust. He sent me an email from work this morning and said he is going to have it looked at tomorrow along with an oil change but he really wishes we were at home to have it done because its going to cost so much more here.. THEN LETS GO HOME!!!

Honestly the thing that is getting to me most is the people. I know that sounds bad.. but before you leave this blog forever let me explain. I will tell you over and over again that the people in the South are the nicest people I have ever met in my life (and I am from Canada) oh how I love that.. but I didn't realize just how much I appreciate that until I came here. The day we were moving in we saw 5 or 6 people and not one person would wave, say hi, smile or smile back... nice to meet you to!

We have been to the grocery store as well Target a time or two at this point and honestly the ignorance is staggering! For example, last night we were in Target and this one woman left her cart in the middle of the aisle blocking not just us from getting through.. I said excuse me and just moved her cart over a little, thinking that she would apologize and move her cart... NEGATIVE! She didn't flinch and then Jason couldn't get through with the cart and a similar exchange took place.. she could have cared less. This is typical, people don't seem friendly at all, they are out for themselves, I hate that.

Now lets compare to the South.. everyone holds doors for each others, you say yes ma'am/no ma'am, please and thank you. People are always waving, smiling, offering to help with anything they can! You cant go anywhere without chatting away with someone, everyone is soo nice! It goes so beyond that though, I spoke with our mailman 2 weeks ago and asked if I put a little note in the mailbox requesting that we not receive flyers and junk mail would that be alright because we would be away. He said absolutely and I explained that we would be leaving Monday and he had suggested forwarding out mail, blah blah blah! He was extremely helpful. Monday we waited because Jason was expecting a check in the mail and we wanted to give him our temporary forwarding of address form, when he arrived I went out and he said that he had worried all day that we weren't going to be there and he knew that the piece of mail he had for us was a check and didn't feel good about leaving it in the mailbox, he was so concerned about something that most people wouldn't have thought twice about. I was touched.. seriously.

We see the same kid at the grocery store all the time, we chat away with him while we check out all the time. Well we had been away and when we went back he was said "guys I haven't seen you in forever, I was getting worried, where have you been?" We haven't lived there very long at all, we maybe see him once a week if that but he took note that we were not around and was concerned. So kind.

I know you all probably think I am looking for things to be wrong here because I want to go home.. this is not entirely untrue but at the same time I think a lot of things are right in your face! I do want to go home, and let me tell you I try to give any reason that I think Jason might say.. OK lets go. Its not going to happen though. I mean I forgot to bring a jacket.. its still cold here at night, I need to go home and get one and because its such a long drive I should stay... for at least a week, right?

What is worse is that right now there isn't a lot for Jason to be doing at work, they are behind but he has to be here per contract! He doesn't have a desk, or anything and yet I have to be here away from home.. I'm not bitter at all though.

I just want to go home, I want to sleep in my own bed and sit on the deck and have morning coffee. I want to be somewhere that I know I'll be happy.. I just want to go home. I'm considering bargaining with Jason.. I really hate to garden but if we can go home I will plant flowers and actually weed, regardless of the bugs (probably). It won't work, I know we have to be here.. I guess I just didn't know it would be so hard.

The maintenance guy is here to get shit done and so I suppose I will end this rant.. I will end this rant here, it will definitely continue in my head.

Is it time to go home yet?